But I'll be Dead Soon, So . . .

It was warmerish today and we got to turn off the heaters. This was nice because the heaters really dry out the air, an amazing accomplishment considering how humid this house stays.  I'm always just in awe of how I can be completely dried out and completely uncomfortably moist in this place. I guess the house is striving for some kind of contrast.

This is about the time last year when I received my 1099C in the mail and it destroyed my life for the next several weeks. I got this nasty little bit of information on top of dealing with tons of car issues and other annoyances, making for one very unpleasant January. So far this year, we've had to replace a computer, deal with that damned tire thing, and get medical stuff screwed up. Again, it's not really turning out to be all that great of a January.

I think I'm starting to settle in to this idea of being 40, though probably for the wrong reasons. I'm hitting this weird kind of zen about the whole thing . . . . because I know I'm on the downhill slide towards death!! I am serious about that! I'm actually looking at this as a good thing. See, things are scarier when you're 20 and you have potentially 60 to 80 years ahead of you. Me? I'll be slipping back into the stardust in a few decades, so things aren't as scary anymore. All I have to do is just slide along and not fall off the edges.

I guess it's kind of like how my grandfather handled one of my stepfathers. Said stepfather had come to bother Mom or me or someone, I don't even remember the circumstances. Anyway, Grandpa told him that if he came near us again, he would kill them. He knew he'd go to jail for it, but he reasoned that he was an old man and soon to die, so it's not like he'd be in jail for a long time.

So yeah, this is the comfort I'm finding in turning 40. I am comforted by the fact that I am closer to death and so there is less to really worry about. I'm not sure most people would see that as progress . . . but it doesn't matter if there is progress, because progress just maybe isn't that important anymore.