I'd not really mentioned this before, but one of my plans for the new year was to blog every day. I know I blog most days, but I wanted to really blog every day and give an accounting of what happened during my day. I wanted it to be a real Year in the Life Of thing. I wanted to publish it at the end of the year, call the book 40, and be happy about it.
That has been shot to hell.
It make me angry. It makes me angry because this wasn't my choice. It wasn't my laziness or my flaky nature that ruined this. THAT I could accept. THAT I could handle because at least I would be the one who did it. NO! This is the stupid blood stupid perimenopause stupid body betraying me bullshit that now seems to dominate my life.
And it is dominating my life. Every minute seems to be good or bad depending on if I made it through said moment without blood going everywhere. This is HELL. I want out of it as soon as possible because it is just almost impossible to live with. My life has been reduced to activities and plans happening on whether or not I can go without making a mess. What kind of a life is that?
Maybe I will get used to this change. Maybe it will go quickly. I really hope it does. Right now, I just feel very trapped and very broken into pieces.
Messy, bloody pieces.
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