Today I did my morning walk at the usual time and my afternoon walk around noon because I needed to shower later and wanted to make sure I had the strength to do so. It was almost like back in January when I'd have to schedule an hour around any kind of showering in order to have the strength to recover from it, only, truthfully, not as bad. Even after surgery, I'm still stronger than I was then. I have never been as weak as I was after all that blood loss.
Today was my first day of waiting a full 12 hours between doses. Tomorrow will be the same and then after that, I'm going to try to go to half pills. Hopefully I'll be off of the meds by Sunday. That's my goal, at any rate. As I've written before, the hell of dealing with the pain pills and the nervousness about them is almost worse than the pain itself. Almost worse, but in this case, certainly not truly worse.
Let's see. A week ago today, I was laying in a hotel room in Tulsa, just hours away from having to be up and at the hospital. I'd drank the magnesium citrate and thought, by 10:30, it had played itself out and there was nothing else left in my system. I was so, so wrong. I was very scared and trying my best not to think about things. It was very surreal to me. I couldn't believe I was actually going forward with the whole thing, that it was actually happening. I felt like I was out of control and truthfully, I basically was.
I have some more control now. As I wrote above, I can control my meds and my walking. I'm doing some minor stomach stretches to try and get strength that way. I'm doing my best to keep my mind in a good place.
I am very, very grateful I don't have surgery again tomorrow.
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