Just for fun, I looked back to see what I'd written about on the 8th of June in the last two years. Last year, I wrote about wire tapping. The year before that, I wrote about some sinus cold I had. In the wire tapping one, I talked about how I actually felt sorry for the people who had to listen to all of our phone calls because most of our phone calls are probably deeply mundane. In the sinus post,I just felt sorry for myself.
And honestly, given what is happening with me now, all of that seems really trivial. A lot of things seem really trivial right now, to be honest. When you're facing major surgery for cancer in your woman parts, it's almost like there is this very narrow tunnel of reality that has you on one end and Very Horrible Things on the other. It feels like that is all there is to the world, everything else is just a momentary distraction from the fact that your body is trying to kill you.
I have to wonder if I'll ever feel secure again. Will there be more cancer? Will it come back in two years or five? Will I be like my grandmother and think I'm safe from it, only to have it show up when I'm old and can do almost nothing about it? I feel like a time bomb and I don't know how to stop feeling that way. I wish I did.
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