Fearing 2015

We made it through the Christmas food today. I suppose that is the end of the holiday stuff, other than what we may do for New Year's.  Then we're on to the fresh hell that the new year will bring. My roommate wants out of this year, but after having a tax scare two years ago and then cancer last year, I'm somewhat horrified to see what 2015 may bring. Right now, I expecting taxes AND cancer in some kind of kaiju form. It robs you of your ability to sleep through the night and makes you shoot blood from all orifices. Somehow, it also makes you dumber.

Whatever the case, 2015 is almost here and there isn't one damned thing I can do to stop it.  Whatever hell it's going to bring with it, I am just going to have to try and live through it. Do I sound despondent? I am. I am horrified, almost to the point of a panic attack, about the new year. I actually cried about it today, because I am that down about the whole thing. It just seems like a reset for the scary.

What would I like for 2015? I would like to have a GOOD year! I would like for that tax/cancer kaiju to, instead, be a wonderfully sweet kaiju that brings opportunity and experience and amazing memories for me. I would like to go through this year and wake up feeling excited about the day. I would like to think about the coming months and be excited about the good things that were being planned. I would like to just enjoy the year, feeling like everything was on the upswing.

Will that happen? I doubt it! I bet it will just end up like the last two, where horrifying shit happens and I try my best to live through it without having a nervous breakdown. I don't think I'll find a way to have more money. I don't think I'll find a new activity that is fulfilling to me. I don't think anyone will look me in the eyes and tell me how much they love me. I know that stuff happens to other people, but I really don't think it will happen to me. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Probably. But I can live with that stuff not happening if only I wouldn't have the cancer/tax/other scary shit happen instead. Or at least, you know, maybe there could be a balance?

Balance would be nice.