Today we lost one of the cats for a few hours. We knew, logically, she had to be in the house, but we couldn't find her. Paranoia was trying to set in on me. I was fighting it so hard, trying to be rational and logical.
About 20 minutes into the cat panic, she came bounding out of one of the closets and meowed at us. Hah! Coming out of the closet during Pride Month. Awesome.
I'm trying to keep doing something good for myself this summer. I get really apprehensive about flipflops, mostly because I've stumbled in them quite a few times. Because of that, I will quite often stick to my shitty heavy hot shoes. They're safer and easier for me to keep balance.
I'm getting better at my balance though, so I promised myself I'd stop being afraid of the flips. I wore them to therapy today and to run errands. Later I wore them while I carried trash to the curb. No breaking open my skull or fracturing anything. Yay! If I can reclaim flips, I can make summer much easier.
Anxiety is always an issue for me. Paranoia and panic bubble just below my surface at all times. For many years, my tactic has been avoidance. Now, I'm trying to combat my panic with reason.
When I have no reason for the fears that are trying to consume me (OMG CAT IS OUTSIDE AND DEAD!), I take deep breaths and calmly speak logically about the issue (Cat cannot be outside. No access.) When there are good reasons for my fear (OMG FLIPFLOPS WILL MAKE YOU FALL THEY HAVE IN THE PAST), I try to see if there are ways I can alter the situation (working on strength and balance to be better able to walk in them).
This isn't easy. Anxiety, even when you have meds to help you, is a constant battle. Sometimes you get very tired of the battle and just want to shut down. And sometimes, that shut down is the best thing for you. Anxiety makes us miss out on so much though, it traps us in a million ways.
If you can find ways to get past your fears, even for just a little while, it is always worth doing so.
No comments:
Post a Comment