Okay, so it's summer. Not officially of course, but in reality, yes. By "reality," I mean we had to turn on the AC. We didn't want to because that shit is expensive, but it's hot and humid and suck here, so yeah, AC goes on. I know there are people out there, a lot of people, who love summer. To them, this is the best time of year.
I'm very happy for you. I am. For me, however, summer is the hell.
The thing is, I don't want it to be. I want to be happy. You know, I have this whole project thing going on. I'm trying to do the things to keep myself in positive spirits. It's just not easy at the moment.
I thought I would tackle that tonight. Oh, and also do a list, because it is Friday. Two birds, one stone, awesome. So, with that in mind:
How to keep yourself happy, even in trying circumstances.
1. Tend to your needs.
Keeping our Maslow's list in mind, remember that happiness is fairly high up there. If your more basic needs aren't being met, happiness becomes difficult. If you find yourself in a state of misery, look for physical ways you can change it. Using summer heat as an example, there are several ways you can improve your mood just by altering a few things. Lower your temperature. Hydrate your body. Make sure you have a cool place to sleep so that you actually get sleep.
If our physical needs are being neglected, happiness isn't going to happen.
2. Don't let others get you down.
Other people can't make us happy, but we can certainly find ourselves in situations where other humans are draining us emotionally. Summer heat can make everyone shitty. There are people who literally wake up in bad moods, bitch about everything all day long, and then go to bed just as miserable as they were when they woke.
The best thing to do is avoid these people. My grandmother could be quite draining and when I was miserable or tired in other ways, I would quite often let her calls go to voicemail. I'm sure some people see this as horrible, but I don't. Remember, you are under no obligation to answer a phone or a door (yes, I know I've said this before and yes, I know there are circumstances where you are kinda legally bound to answer, but you get the idea).
Sometimes, however, you can't avoid the Debbie Downers or the Cantankerous Charlies. They may be your boss or a co-worker. They may be your spouse or your child. Yes, I went there. Come on, let's all admit to it. Some kids can be really difficult to be around. You may also find yourself, especially in times of intense weather, where you can't just relocate to somewhere else in the house. You may only have this one space that is tolerable.
If you can't avoid the difficult person, see if you can set ground rules with them. "You can only complain to me three times today." "If something can't be done about what is making you unhappy, I don't want to hear it." "If you have told me this complaint before, like millions of times before, you can't tell me again."
I'll tell you now, this will piss people off. No one wants to believe the precious and important words tumbling from their lips should be limited. Many of them will even look at you and scream "freedom of speech." If they do this, remind them they are free to talk all they wish . . . just not to you any more past the limits you have set. Often there will be a lot of even more negative from them at this point. Stand firm. You owe it to yourself to be as comfortable as possible. Eventually, they will either comply or get angry and go away. Either way, you don't have to listen to them anymore.
Again though, sometimes we are in situations where we just aren't allowed to set ground rules with people. With bosses, with coworkers, and even in certain domestic situations, setting limits isn't an option. In this case, you have to ask yourself a very tough question, "Which is more important to me . . . my peace of mind or what I am getting out of this situation?"
If you decide that the situation is more important, you may still be dealing with the same level of annoyance, but at least you will be doing so knowing that said annoyance is minor compared to what you will get out of this. That, in and of itself, should improve your outlook.
If the annoyance is not worth the situation, start making plans to leave it. As you know, I am a firm believer in walking away from something that isn't good for you. This may not be something you can do all at once, but if you realize it isn't worth your misery, you can start putting plans together. And once you have plans, again, your outlook should improve.
3. Try to see the bigger picture.
Again, to use my example of summer, as hard as it can be on me, I know that it will only last for a few months. By mid-September or so, the weather should start to chill down again. Mind you, it's June 4th, so that seems like forever from now. Really though, it's just a few months. I can handle anything if it's temporary.
I guess what I keep coming back to with this is the idea that often while we can't change a situation, we can change how we relate to that situation. We may not be able to control it fully, but there are always aspects, however, small, that we can change. Alter enough small things and the big horrible picture starts to become manageable.
I'll say this again, and I'll keep saying it: Our happiness is our responsibility. It is something we have to work for, strive for, and often even fight for. However, while this does put the state of our happiness on our shoulders, it also gives us a lot of power.
It gives us the power to asses our situation, weigh our options, transform what we can, manage what we can't, and carve out a path to our own happiness. Though, yeah, sometimes that path is swarming with wasps.
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