I keep my fingernails really short, like, as short as possible, because otherwise I'll chew my nails and/or scratch myself in my sleep. Often I'll scratch myself so badly that I have bloody areas when I wake up.
Having super short nails never bothers me in a fashion sense. I've always been more concerned about my nails being painted (black) than about the length. Right now though, I'm wishing my nails were longer. The cat just jabbed one of her claws into my finger and it went into the area under the nail. It hurts like hell.
She did this because I annoyed her as I was trying to comb a flea off of her. Yes, I was trying to help the cat and now I'm in so much pain I can't even use my hand to type. So this post is brought to you by my left hand with a resounding 'FUCK YOU!' to all fleas, my cat, and kind of the universe in general. I am not pleased.
This is basically the shit icing on the cake to a really bad day. Circumstances left me both physically and emotionally drained. Hot weather isn't making it easy for me to maintain stability. I know I need to take stock and really start actively working on my happiness and centering. This summer thing is going to be a huge challenge to it.
And yes, I know this is another post of bitchery. It's needful though. Even though I know I have goals to be happier and stronger, I know enough about this journey to realize that sometimes, you just can't move forward. Sometimes, being able to maintain your footing where you currently stand is the best you can do. Hell, sometimes you may even take a few steps backwards.
This is okay. The heat will eventually fade. The fleas will eventually be pushed back down. By morning my thumb will (hopefully) be healed enough to where it's not in pain. The scratches will heal. It's all just temporary.
In the meantime, when things start to overwhelm me, I'll step back. I'll remind myself that it's just the summer months. I'll remind myself that this doesn't last forever. I'll remind myself that the worst thing I can do is over-react to all of this in some emotional fury.
Wait, come to think of it, it's too damned hot to be furious.
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