Friday List: Gay Marriage

New York made gay marriage legal tonight. This is a happy victory for people who believe everyone should have the right to be equally miserable and bored.  Of course now there will be law suits and people howling and protesting the issue. They all claim that gay marriage will ruin society and destroys the family as we know it.

I've found that you can't really argue logic with these people, because they don't want to listen to you.  However, your lack of talking won't stop their talking. Gay marriage is a topic a lot of people want to harp on and if you don't want to end up trapped at a family reunion listening to Uncle Jethro Deanbob complaining about "them quarz," then you need to find a tactic to shut him up quickly.

So my Friday List is about ways to baffle people into silence.

When someone asks you about gay marriage, say . . .

1. You are totes against gay marriage, because why should your sparkly gay brothers and sisters be reduced to the same boring antics of the straight people?

2. You understand why they're upset, because if gay people can marry each other, it's highly unlikely they can be guilted into marrying the unattractive straight people.

3. Remind them that more marriages means more cake, and everyone likes cake.

4.  Remind them that more marriages means more wedding shows on TLC, and as TLC consists only of shows about weddings, fashion and circus freaks, this insures the station will stay on the air and the Duggers will continue to get paychecks to support their mammoth brood of childrens.

5.  Point out that people who want to get married aren't the ones out to destroy marriage.  The people out to destroy marriage are the ones who refuse to marry anyone, snark about the institution, and write blog posts about the good sides of divorce . . . like that Blackhaired Barbie woman.

6. In almost all parts of the country, exotic dancers and strippers are still thriving as businesses. Gay marriage means more marriage which means more bachelor and bachelorette parties.  More bachelor(ette) parties means more work for said exotic dancers.

7. And this one is the best one of all . . . it's not really so much gay marriage that people are against as it is the idea of gay sex.  Point out to them that gay marriage will put an end to a lot of gay sex as married people never have sex any more anyway.

All joking aside, I'm happy for New York. Maybe in 10 years, will have almost a whole US that lets all people have the same right to marry the adult they want.  And maybe 50 years after that, the South will agree to it as well.