It's almost midnight and it's 89 but still feels 95 outside. That is insane and it sucks. Deeply sucks. And because we're poor and trying not to run the electric bill up too much, the AC has been off since 9:30. Damned miserable summer. And I have two more months of this at minimum.
On the plus side, the grass is dying, so money saved on lawn mowing, and the fleas seem to be dying off, so less fleabejeebies. See, everything has a plus side. Always.
Speaking of the fleas and the cats they live upon, the heat and fleas and constant vacuuming, combing, and weekly bath have made a couple of the cats antisocial/crazy. The roommate said that a few nights ago, the grey cat slept in his room and talked to herself (or her imaginary friends) all night long. OH yay.
Though I guess crazy is just part of the pattern around here. Though I guess lately it's not been so much crazy with me as just depressed. Sometimes social networks can be hard. Really hard when you watch what feels like everyone else in the world enjoying the summer, going on vacations or swimming or having fun nights with friends or cookouts or hell, even shooting off fireworks and you know all you'll be doing is sitting in the hot house with dying fleas and dead grass.
I realize I'm the one who put myself in this position. I made all the choices that led to being mostly immobile and poor, but it doesn't help in the moment. The shitty thing is, even still fat and poor, I used to do things. Maybe not the vacations, but I did still swim and go to parties and gatherings. But since I've become so isolated, even that has stopped.
Maybe that's more of it, really. It's not that I'm so jealous of everyone else as just that I miss how I used to be. Maybe I wasn't doing stuff all the time, but I still did stuff. Now most of that is gone. And that needs to change.
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