Christmas

Christmas is over and I'm left with the same feeling I always have about it. My big gift events, my birthday and Christmas, happen at almost the same time. Given that, I usually just let it happen and then feel a mix of relief and sadness. I'm never even really sure what I'm so sad about.

This wasn't a bad year. I wasn't so sick I couldn't make it to the parties. I didn't get hurt or insulted. I tried my best to engage with my family and talk to them. I tried my best to participate. I'm just not really that good at it.

I always feel very exposed after parties. I feel like I allowed myself to be seen for too long, stayed away from my comfort zones for too long. Maybe this is all just introvert stuff. I'm really not sure. All I know is that I don't want to be around people for a while. I just need some days of hiding. I want to hide in the darkness, bury my head under pillows, and shut the world out for a while. I want silence and stillness.

Since I turned 40, I've suffered some strange injuries. I burned myself with a hot pocket last night and I ripped cut my arm on my cd drive tonight. Seriously, who does these things? I usually get cycles of weird injuries whenever I'm stressed. Clearly, on some level, I'm stressed.

Anyway, Christmas is over for another year. My birthday is over for another year.  Now we're on the downhill slide towards another summer. Sighs. Is too early to start talking about how much I hate summer?