Constant Adjustments

Today was one of those days where I never quite got past feeling tired. You know, like most of the time. It wasn't as hot as it had been, but I'm not sure how much good that did me. It didn't cool down enough that I wasn't hot. It just cooled down enough to where we really couldn't justify turning on the AC. I spent most of the day being uncomfortable and sweaty. After surgery, the AC is your friend.

It's cooling down more now so maybe I can sleep better tonight. Maybe I can sleep without hot flashes! I doubt it though. Those will probably just be part of my life for a while now.

There is a level of acceptance that you need to reach in order to mentally survive this process.

On both a mental and physical level, you also find that you're needing to make constant adjustments. My body, as I wrote, tires easily. This means that I get stiff and sore more quickly than I used to. If I am sitting or laying down, I often have to make a lot of adjustments in order to be comfortable. Once I find a position where I am comfortable, I can usually only stay  there for so long before I start hurting or getting stiff again. Sometimes, this can be exhausting.

I've had to accept that any level of comfort I find will probably not last for very long. I need to be ready to alter how things are in order to try and avoid pain. I have to admit, there are moments when I have so much pain that I worry I won't have the strength to find a comfortable spot. It scares me. Sometimes I worry that this situation is never going to end for me. That scares me even more.

I try to ignore the fear though. I know it's just wasting energy and I don't have much to spare. Killing the fear is sometimes the hardest of all adjustments, but the one I most need to make.