Different

Today I cleaned up and went to therapy for the first time since the hysterectomy. It was a strange process, this therapy session. For a while, I just sat there. I would try to begin talking, but words would fail me. I just really didn't know what to say. I mean, I did, but I couldn't put it in coherent sentences. Eventually, she began to ask me questions about the process. I answered them as best I could.

Right now, there is a lot of me that doesn't really feel like me. I'm very raw and emotional inside. In the same way that my guts are in the process of realigning themselves, my sense of who I am is doing the same thing. 

Things are different now. I am different. I may be doing the same activities and living the same life, but there is a deep and quiet part of me that feels profoundly different.

I don't know what that means yet. I may not know for a while. To be honest, and maybe this is one of the reasons I was so quiet today, I'm  not sure I even want to think about it too much. Maybe this is one of those things that is best just experienced.  In a way, it's a little exciting that this change is happening. Change can be good, after all.

Anyway, besides being therapy day, it was also the first day of July. I have an appointment on the 7th and hopefully no more appointments past that. I'd like to be doctor free for a while.