Getting Directions

A year ago today, I called the gyno office to get directions. I think I may have done that twice, actually, just to assure myself that I knew what I was doing. I really don't remember for sure, but I think that was the case. I just knew I needed to be absolutely sure of where to go. It was, after all, a very big building. One I'd not been to for years.

I was so scared about this appointment. I loath meeting new people, especially ones who will judge me and see me naked. At the time, I really thought those would be the most frightening aspects. They were not. Instead, I found out I had cancer. There were surgeries and a lot more meeting people and being seen naked. This was basically the start of many conversations about getting directions. It was the start of going to so many places where I felt out of place and terrified.

So here I am, a year later. I'm not calling to ask about directions to any location, though I am trying to get arrangements made to get to Tulsa later this month. I know where I'm going though.

Do I feel better than I did this time last year? In many ways, yes. Though, I'm still really emotionally drained from last year. I feel out of sorts with myself sometimes. I still often find myself unfamiliar. I think this is just going to take time.