A year ago today, I basically stopped sleeping for a while. I knew about the cancer. I knew that the Very Bad Things were going to happen. I knew I could die. And, at night, when I would try to sleep, all the ways I could die would show up and scream at me. It wasn't fun.
The crazy thing is, just a few months before, I'd been pretty open the possibility of death. After all, I didn't have a plan for being old. I had no idea how that would play out for me. I really didn't have much to look forward to. Even the things that people talked about in terms of being the 'good things' to want in life didn't seem that great to me because I knew they would come with so much annoyance and hassle.
How do I feel now? Well, as you know, I've been more brave of late. I'm trying to explore more things and do more with my life. It's been a LOT of baby steps, but they've been good ones. I still don't have a plan for getting old, but at least I have more hope for right now. That's something. Oh, and I also sleep better.
No comments:
Post a Comment