More Bravery

Last night I went to dinner with my brother's family (and my dad and step-mother) to celebrate my nephew's tenth birthday. My brother's family does the dinner thing every year for all of their birthdays but this is the first time I've been. It means that I got to see my father twice in less than two weeks, which is amazing for me, honestly.

It was a place I'd never been before. It was very nice and I got to have a dining experience I'd never had. There were a lot of people though and I have to admit my nerves were pretty frayed. They still are. I may be doing more stuff, but it does have a toll on me. I have no idea how people do stuff with others every day. I'm just not someone who is used to having a full social life.

Then again, for many years, I was fairly much a hermit. I would go see my grandmother once a week. I would see my best friend every other week. Aside from that, I would sit in my house and only talk to my roommate. The idea of spending time around people filled me with so much anxiety that I'd panic just a little even thinking about it.

There is a movie coming out next month. I really can't organize anyone else to see it with me, so I am going to try to see it by myself. I do not think I have ever seen a movie in the theater by myself before. It has a lot of panic-inducing 'what ifs' about it. What if I can't get a close parking place? What if there are assholes in the theater? What if I can't get a decent seat? Part of me just wants to bow out and wait until the DVD comes out. That, of course, is the main reason why I really SHOULD go see it though. It's a simple thing. It's a small thing. People go see movies by themselves all the time. I need to be brave.

We'll see if that pans out.